It’s dark in here. Not dark like night, at night there are stars in cloudless skies. The moon illuminates the Earth. But this? It’s darker than that in here. There is no breeze. The air is thick — humid. I don’t know what is up, what is down — where I end and the darkness begins.
I can’t breathe.
No beginning. No end. I’m flipped upside down. Trapped. Caught in a wave — dumped and drowning. Kicking for the surface that never comes. I am gasping for air. Every decision. Every moment. Did it all lead to this? Why? Why this?
I can’t breathe!
Every conversation consumes me. Every mistake. Every tiny, stupid detail. Maybe if I had bought the red shoes? Or been kinder to strangers? Or donated to charity? Or stayed the night? Or driven instead of flying?
I really can’t breathe!
I run. Run. Run! My heart is clawing out of my chest. My legs can’t carry me anymore. There isn’t anywhere to hide from what’s coming. My hands flail forward for a door handle, for something, anything. For absolution?
But I can’t escape.
I reach for the touch of my lover’s hand. Long for the warmth of sunshine. To hear the roar of the ocean. But there is nothing but vapid darkness and stale air. Just echoes. The lies I told myself to keep going. Whispering guilt. I am the reason I am here.
I can’t — escape.